Uncaged Wallflower- Extended Edition Read online

  Goodbye to you,

  the mannequin.

  I found love in sheets wrinkled

  around his body as I lay next to him.

  The way that he called me

  six different nicknames

  but never once called me

  a harsh name out of anger.

  I found love in the way he drove

  two hours with his hand in mine

  every moment,

  to surprise me with a gift he

  researched for in secret.

  In the way he never left me feeling

  uncertain about what we were.

  The way that I was his,

  he was mine,

  and we were us.

  Together.

  He called us a team.

  I believe everyone needs a teammate.

  One who supports you,

  and isn’t trying to compete

  against you as an opposing rival.

  You can’t change me

  like a popped tire

  or, a cracked window

  I am not physically broken.

  You have to learn that

  my mental health isn’t just

  a simple five-step repair.

  -all I need is your support

  Some days I feel like I am

  physically present

  on this earth

  with every other human,

  but my mind is in

  a zone that is way

  out of this world.

  Command Your Passion

  Your clock begins to slowly tick

  towards the end.

  Your breaths become less frequent.

  Your heart is beating at a decreased rate.

  Think of the life that you have created.

  How do you feel about that life?

  Did you accomplish your dreams?

  Did your bucket list have

  items crossed off or was that just the,

  “maybe one day, I don’t know” list?

  Were you fair to yourself and

  your passions?

  Are your grandchildren going to

  tell stories about your life

  long after you’re gone?

  YOU need to be doing what you love.

  You NEED to be doing what you love.

  You need to be doing what you LOVE.

  Don’t do it for the ones demanding

  from you.

  Do it for you.

  Don’t get stuck in the mindset that

  you are no more than the people

  who raised you or the place

  you were born.

  This world isn’t made of eggshells.

  Stomp on the ground and

  command your passion.

  You are toes deep

  in the water.

  Let me pull you out

  into the sea of uncertainty.

  I promise I won’t let you go

  until you are ready to

  swim on your own with ease.

  While the world sleeps,

  I accomplish my dreams.

  While the world sleeps,

  I sit and watch the sun appear

  above the tree lines.

  While the world sleeps,

  I breathe in the silence.

  While the world sleeps,

  I rise.

  You are always

  the first to tell yourself

  that you aren’t beautiful,

  smart,

  or kind.

  You are always the first

  to beat up your mind.

  You take people’s complements

  and throw them to the ground

  with the thought that you can’t

  be any of those things.

  But you can,

  you are.

  Beauty,

  intelligence,

  and kindness

  run through your veins.

  I held you close to my ear

  like I did with a seashell

  as a child,

  in hopes of helping me

  hear the ocean.

  I always longed to

  hear the parts of you

  that seemed so far away.

  Take Time To Yourself

  Take time for yourself.

  It is not lazy to stop the pen

  from flowing for a day.

  To put down your phone

  and ignore answering

  business emails.

  To take a day to reply back

  to messages or calls from friends.

  Read a book,

  shop online,

  or take a long bath

  with candles lit.

  Taking time for you is healthy.

  Your mind needs a break from

  the hustle of your busy life.

  Don’t feel bad for taking moments

  to yourself.

  Spending a day away from

  kids or peers.

  Spend a day alone with only

  your thoughts.

  Negativity is a chain reaction

  virus that only ends

  in devastation.

  The problem is,

  only a few are vaccinated.

  Second chances exist

  but I stopped handing

  them out

  to the people who kept

  coming back for

  the third,

  fourth,

  and fifth time

  and expected me

  to welcome them

  with an open mind

  and warm arms.

  You can be a Queen

  without a King

  and still

  run the world

  just fine on your own.

  Seek out the positivity

  in your life.

  Even if everything around you

  seems shitty,

  search for the one thing that isn't.

  It will save you.

  I think October 18

  sounds like a good day

  to start making change

  in your life.

  Like the leaves on the trees

  and the drop in temperature.

  Caged

  I felt bad for the bird

  in its cage that would

  look out through its bars

  at the blue sky

  and trees.

  I, too, felt like

  I was looking out at

  something I wanted but

  couldn’t reach.

  Until you,

  you were the one

  to set me free.

  Resolutions

  5, 4, 3, 2, 1……

  The clock ticks down

  to a time yet begun.

  Pens tracing paper with ink

  bleeding ambition

  and new beginnings.

  A kiss to seal a pressed envelope

  filled with hope.

  Resolutions have a stigma of failing.

  Starting with full force and then

  crashing in catastrophe.

  Don’t wait until December 31

  to start being or doing what

  it is you dream of.

  Pretend there is no recollection

  of time at all.

  Just start,

  and don’t be sad

  if at first it doesn’t work.

  Start over the next day.

  That’s the beauty of life,

  we have every day to

  gain and be better.

  Your Words

  If the words that spewed

  out of your mouth

  were the clothes wrapped

  around your body,

  the hair on your head,

  the flesh of your skin,

  would you think you are beautiful?

  Don’t wake up

  at six when

  school starts at eight,

  if all you are trying to

 
do is impress

  someone

  who doesn’t give

  two shits about

  your thoughts,

  let alone your hair.

  I was a diary

  with a lock that could only

  be accessed with a key.

  Hiding safe under a pillow

  from the hands that

  tried to pry me open.

  You didn’t need to break into

  me because you were patient

  enough to be granted access.

  How amazing it is

  to now listen to songs

  with blissful lyrics

  and not feel sad for my

  own lack of happiness.

  I am itching for highways

  that lead to unknown destinations.

  People I may only encounter for hours

  but change my life for years.

  I am an open road,

  head out the window,

  eyes wide open.

  I think about you holding

  me close on our wedding day.

  I dreamt of the moment

  two hands would wrap

  around my waist.

  I never knew what to envision

  those hands looking like.

  Would they be white,

  black,

  tan,

  scared,

  soft,

  callused?

  All I cared about was that

  they were the type of hands

  that would touch me

  beautifully and carefully.

  Even on the days we

  didn’t dance to the same beat.

  We would always find our footing

  back to the place we met.

  Make Yourself Happy

  People may question

  your happiness.

  People may hate

  your happiness.

  People may embrace

  your new-found happiness.

  At least people are noticing

  that happiness is in your life.

  Forgive Yourself

  It’s time to forgive your old self

  for the days you put

  harm on your body,

  placed negative thoughts

  in your mind,

  and pushed your

  dreams away.

  It’s time to thank your old self

  for teaching you

  the love you deserve,

  for recognizing

  the positive vs. the negative,

  and for giving you strength.

  You have a past that is daunting

  to think about,

  but your future is glowing.

  You could work your life

  at a job you hate for

  money that’s guaranteed.

  Or, you can live your life

  in the way you would choose

  to love, and be guaranteed

  leaving the world with a

  smile on your face

  and no regrets.

  -I will regret nothing

  I see the world in the

  eyes of the explorers,

  the dreamers,

  the wanderers.

  Let me show you

  the beauty

  through my eyes.

  -open your eyes and your heart

  How beautiful it is

  that I no longer write

  with sorrow

  at the beginning

  of every sentence

  and still have so much

  to write about.

  My heart aches for

  your pain because

  I know how it feels

  to bleed

  and have no one

  to be your Band-Aid.

  The Best

  Life isn’t about

  always being the best.

  It’s about facing fears and

  growing from them.

  You don’t have to be number one.

  Just don’t live a life full of,

  “what if’s.”

  New Soil

  Life will always have

  horrible moments.

  Moments you want to cry

  into your pillow

  and scream out the agony

  that you’ve buried inside.

  But there are always

  more radiant days ahead.

  Life may throw dirt on you,

  but it’s up to you to see

  the good to come.

  Grow in your new soil with

  beams of happiness,

  do not drown in tears.

  Dear You,

  You made it.

  You are here.

  All the moments spent in agony,

  wondering when the pain

  would end and,

  you are here.

  You made it.

  Your mind is beautiful

  and brilliant.

  You may not be everyone’s

  cup of tea,

  some people need cream

  or sugar just to take you.

  Others enjoy you pure in taste.

  But neither of that matters,

  because you are at a place

  you once dreamed of as your escape.

  Who knew you would love smiling,

  pure, genuine smiles that didn’t

  hint at the firing thoughts behind

  your eyes.

  You want others to know that

  their minds can feel

  this wonderful too.

  We made it my friend.

  Now it’s time for your breakthrough.

  Comfort Zone

  One life.

  Many stories

  to make.

  A comfort zone

  should no longer

  hold you in place.

  Journey

  Life is a journey,

  full of wonder and worry,

  but today I am at peace.

  My mind will no longer

  over-analyze the past, or

  stress about the unknown ahead.

  I am present in the moments

  in front of my eyes.

  Every day you get the chance

  to work on being

  the version of yourself

  that you would be excited

  to meet for coffee.

  My Mind

  I used to think my mind

  must be made up of

  storm clouds,

  lightning,

  flooded rain,

  and thunder.

  But you helped me realize

  what I truly embodied:

  green grass,

  sunshine,

  blue skies,

  crisp air.

  Some days, there are still

  sprinkles of rain

  and a cloud or two.

  But I am no longer near

  that awful typhoon.

  I cheer for

  the people who try.

  Who try and better themselves.

  Who try and give back.

  Who try loving themselves.

  Who try appreciating others.

  I cheer for the people who try.

  Because trying is half the battle.

  Feelings

  I used to fight tears

  like they were lions

  pouncing at me from a cage.

  Biting my tongue so hard it bled,

  because tears meant weakness

  and that wasn’t okay.

  I remember the feeling

  of a hard lump

  stuck in my throat from

  sucking in so much air

  just to make sure no

  water could escape.

  My body was flooding itself

  with unshed tears.

  Like a dam that was

  soon to break.

  Tears showed weakness.

  Weakness.

  I am weak.

  I never knew t
ears

  were normal.

  Tears made me bleed.

  You can tend to me

  like a tree

  entangled with

  telephone wires,

  but I will always

  end up branching

  out on my own.

  She Is Spring

  She is now who she always

  envisioned being.

  The person in the reflection of

  bodies of water and

  mirrors on the walls is

  no longer unrecognizable.

  She looks just as she feels.

  Her soul illuminates through

  her skin.

  The hate she once embodied

  has overgrown to love.

  Like a garden never weeded,

  she is the flower budding

  from the ground.

  She is the grass that turned

  from singed brown

  to soft green.

  She is the spring

  right after winter.

  I Am Better Now

  I know that if you saw me now,

  you would recognize me.

  You wouldn’t turn your head

  in surprise.

  There would be no lift

  of your eyebrow.

  What you wouldn’t

  recognize though,

  is that same girl

  laughing and smiling.

  I am no longer a victim.

  I am no longer your puppet.

  I am no longer the girl

  you could reach out to

  and know you would receive

  a quick response.

  I hated the person

  you turned me into.

  Today I am strong.

  Today I am worthy.

  Today I am successful.

  I don’t hate you, though.

  Because hate is a feeling and

  I feel nothing for you.

  I’m neither fat

  nor skinny.

  I’m just cells

  protecting my inner

  most important things.