Uncaged Wallflower- Extended Edition Read online

  Uncaged Wallflower

  Extended Edition

  By Jennae Cecelia

  Uncaged Wallflower

  Extended Edition

  Copyright © 2017 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.

  ISBN: 978-1548743130

  Illustrations by Rylie Moran

  Instagram: @gabriellescrapart

  Cover art by Islam Farid

  www.IslamFarid.net

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events of locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Dear Reader,

  Rather than speaking my mind right away, I was always more of a quiet thinker. I was an introvert. A wallflower.

  To add to this, my mind was conjuring up negative thoughts I let flow out of my mouth with ease, ignoring the positive outlook I could have if only I could stop focusing on my flaws.

  I wrote Uncaged Wallflower for those

  who feel trapped in the thoughts their minds produce, unable to express them with the rest of the world out of fear of critique or disagreement.

  This is for those who need an extra dose of positivity in their day and a push to follow their dreams.

  This is not a poetry book for you to read and relate to in a sorrow filled way. It is for you to read and say, “yes, I can be better and I will.”

  So please, don’t ever feel like your opinion is less important than the opinion of others. Don’t let your insecurities and anxious mind dictate your bliss. Never stop being a dreamer.

  With love,

  Jennae

  Reading a book is reading

  someone’s story;

  their heart,

  their mind,

  their soul.

  This is mine for you.

  Happiness is a choice,

  and when you choose it

  you will find it,

  even when the nights

  are pitch black

  and the days are cloudy.

  -I choose happiness

  Metamorphosis.

  Feeling your wings

  break through.

  Growing into the best you.

  Emerge from

  your chrysalis.

  Expand and learn

  something new.

  Don’t get wrapped up in

  your same old cocoon.

  Live Your Life

  How long are you

  going to live

  your life

  for other people?

  Answering calls for them.

  Emails piling your inbox

  with nothing but

  bitching and moaning.

  Making coffee runs

  for six other people.

  Curling your hair

  instead of leaving it straight

  because people told you

  that you looked better

  that way.

  Pressing makeup brushes

  to your face

  because somehow it

  became out of the norm to

  show up to work

  or events with

  your bare face.

  Because, how dare you

  for showing your true colors.

  How long are you going

  to live your life

  for other people?

  Stop conforming to the norm.

  It’s hard to say yes

  when the voice of anxiety

  screams no.

  But this world

  offers too much to not

  explore out of fear.

  I’m still learning to live

  outside of my comfort zone.

  -shut up, anxiety

  Some flowers

  are tempting to pick

  and take with us for our

  own selfish reasons,

  but they are most beautiful

  and will flourish more

  when left in their natural form.

  Kind of like you.

  Ask yourself this:

  if not you, then who?

  Someone has to be that

  doctor,

  or musician,

  or chef.

  No dream is too small.

  No job is too big.

  -you are a boss babe

  If you put a fraction

  of the love

  you give to everyone else

  into yourself,

  you would never doubt

  your purpose again.

  -you deserve your own love

  I wonder how our souls are

  picked for our bodies.

  Is a good soul placed into a

  bad body just to show others

  not to judge by outer appearance?

  Or, is a rotten soul put into a

  beautiful body

  to show others that looks are

  only enough

  until times get tough?

  Either way, our souls are what

  we take from this life to the next

  and our body is what is laid to

  rest.

  No More Tomorrow

  If it’s not yesterday,

  it’s tomorrow,

  or next week,

  or next year.

  I find myself living in thoughts

  of the future more than

  the realities of the present.

  Hurrying through weekly tasks with

  thoughts only embedded with

  weekend bliss.

  Contemplating if I said the right thing,

  or if there was anything I missed.

  I have to remind myself that I am

  wasting present moments thinking

  of a future that will either

  come or not,

  but that’s out of my control.

  So, I take brief moments,

  sit and enjoy the stars

  and the way the grass

  moves in the wind.

  Because those are present moments

  and I need to exist there more.

  You may think

  you are caged in

  with little room

  for growth,

  but to every lock

  there is a key.

  And that’s the thing

  about people.

  You can wrap them up

  in kindness & love,

  and they will still have

  something cold to say

  about you.

  Change

  I have always hated change.

  Even as a child I would

  become frustrated

  when the store would move

  the aisle of dolls

  to a different location

  than before.

  I hated when trees were

  torn down and a large empty

  space filled the home they

  once owned.

  I hated when the walls were painted

  a new color and I would never

  see the hue beneath it again.

  I hated not being able to

  adapt to change

  as quickly as others.

  But change is all around us.

  We are always getting older,

  looking older.

  The building built five years ago

  will need repairs.

  And sometimes I wonder

  if landfills are piled

  with all the changes peo
ple made.

  Discarded items they lost attachment

  to or needed to part with in order

  to move on.

  Change is always there.

  Embrace the growth you are making.

  Discard the rest.

  Learn that change may bother

  you at first,

  but it will save you in the end.

  Moments

  We have finite moments

  in an infinite universe.

  Some that we count as

  our best memories,

  and others we suppress.

  We are made up of moments.

  The pictures hidden

  between pages of books.

  The concert tickets piling up

  in a bin,

  crinkled from when we shoved

  them in our pockets and then

  washed the jeans.

  Life is beautiful for giving us

  these moments.

  We may be made of

  cells,

  bones,

  and muscle,

  but moments are what make up

  our souls.

  Embrace your moments.

  The good and the bad.

  Moments come too quickly,

  and one day you will do anything

  to have them back.

  We are broken people.

  made up of,

  cracks,

  rips,

  tears,

  bruises,

  cuts,

  and scars.

  But only a few choose

  to pick up the pieces

  and form something new

  out of the shattered debris.

  There is no such thing

  as perfect.

  No one is free from faults.

  No one is ever going to

  always say the right things.

  The way we look is not perfect,

  because perfect is a figment

  humans make up in their

  minds from pictures

  of “ideal” men and women.

  Unpredictability

  Fear is attached

  to unpredictability.

  Fear of an expectation

  not being met.

  Fear of a momentous

  time ending.

  But for me,

  the best things happened

  out of unpredictability.

  My mind used to limit my options,

  leaving little room for new

  ideas or endings.

  I would call the unknown and

  I best friends now.

  Because the unfamiliar is my

  path to my next great task.

  I wake up with excitement

  in my stomach thinking

  of all the possibilities ahead.

  Here’s to living without the fear

  of not knowing what is around

  the bend.

  I used to be envious of

  the people who took all the

  good kinds of risks.

  The ones who packed their

  bags and stuffed their car

  full of everything they would need

  to start over halfway across

  the country.

  But now I am smiling,

  because that person

  is someone I could be.

  You could hate me with

  deep passion

  and I’d still love you

  with full embrace.

  This world just has

  too many people

  quick to blow you off

  for your silly mistakes.

  You are hating on your body

  that is screaming for

  your love.

  You ask why we don’t

  talk like we used to,

  and I tell you we do.

  The only difference is this time

  I’m the one not

  answering anymore and

  you get to be the one

  hanging on to my every

  word, hoping for a response.

  -you didn’t know how good I was

  until I was gone

  Go to the top of a hill,

  a mountain,

  a building,

  and scream out

  your dream.

  Demand for it, and believe in it.

  That echo you hear

  is the Universe taking note.

  Believe that your vision is the

  pathway to your success.

  No dream is a fantasy until

  you let yourself settle with

  the thought that it is.

  You need to pave a path.

  One that many follow.

  A trail people continue down

  for years to come.

  Hatchet in hand to make

  clearance of overgrown weeds

  and stumps in the way.

  A pathway that is run over

  with footsteps of curiosity.

  People wondering how you

  got to this point.

  How you made your vision

  a reality,

  when it was once only parked

  in the depths of your mind.

  How you were able to stay

  positive and happy

  even when you didn’t know

  exactly when your next

  paycheck would come.

  Let them wonder how you got

  to where you are.

  Let them be the ones to try

  and follow the path

  you have paved.

  Grab your hatchet,

  and start clearing your path today.

  Let Me Tell You, You’re Beautiful

  At a young age, I felt the need to

  protect people.

  My soon-to-be friend who was

  pushed around by the fourth-grade bully.

  Who told her she was dumb,

  and ugly.

  I was at a loss because I wanted to be

  liked by the other kids in class,

  but I couldn’t help feeling a vast amount of

  pain for the girl in the jumpsuit and

  red glasses.

  She was the outcast and I wanted

  to cry right along with her.

  As I got older these situations didn’t

  really change.

  Although the settings were no longer

  playgrounds or lunchrooms filled with

  adolescents,

  it was now an office with grown adults

  competing for a higher role.

  It was the guys at the bar on a Saturday night,

  laughing at the girls with a little extra weight

  who were just trying to enjoy drinks

  without stares of disgust.

  It was the women being cheated on

  because the temptation was too strong

  for their unfaithful men.

  I feel people’s pain, and I want to rescue them.

  I want to tell them they are better than

  the images people have of them.

  That they are beautiful.

  Shadows

  The shadows looming in

  the corners wore colors

  similar to bruises.

  No way of knowing

  when the darkness would end.

  Heart racing in your chest.

  Staccato breaths.

  Sweat staining your palms.

  Darkness came in random spouts.

  Dripping slowly,

  or rushing fast.

  Hot or cold,

  it was never known.

  Oh, how darkness could find you.

  Darkness could find you knee deep

  in happiness and come slap you

  back into the reality of the hate.

  Run fast, my friend.

  Don’t let the darkness catch you today.

  Don’t let the darkness overtake.

  She knew t
he universe

  had a lot to offer,

  but she didn’t realize

  the universe was part of her too.

  -she is the sun, moon, and stars

  You are never going to find

  your own voice

  while trying to match

  the pitch of everyone else’s.

  -be a rare composition

  Change Is Inevitable

  I thought I would go

  to a four-year college

  a couple states away.

  I thought I would have roommates

  and attend parties

  I would only pretend to like.

  I thought I would eat bland cafeteria food

  and shower around 10-15 other girls.

  I thought I would study in my 12x12 room

  under a desk lamp,

  and walk to and from class all day.

  I thought my weekends would be filled

  with late nights with friends that would

  one day be the bridesmaids

  in my wedding.

  These were things I wanted.

  Instead, I went to college ten minutes

  from my house.

  My roommates were my parents,

  and the only “parties” I had on the weekends were drinking wine and watching

  some overly dramatic Lifetime movie

  with my mom.

  I ate food that was handed out drive-thru

  windows or cooked on the stove

  in my kitchen.

  I studied occasionally but mostly just

  relied on my good memory to help me

  pass my classes.

  The reality is,

  I thought a lot of things

  at the age of 18.

  And the way things

  turned out at that time,

  I thought were disappointing.

  But now, I am grateful

  I didn’t get all the things

  I wanted.

  I am glad I was different