Bright Minds Empty Souls Read online

  Bright Minds Empty Souls

  By Jennae Cecelia

  Bright Minds Empty Souls

  Second Edition

  Copyright © 2016 by Jennae Cecelia. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review or scholarly journal.

  ISBN: 978-1541234758

  This book is work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  For L-

  Without you, these poems would merely be papers scattered around my room in messy handwriting and worn down journals.

  Thank you for inspiring me everyday

  to be the best me.

  Dear Reader,

  Writing has always been the easiest way for me to communicate with others. Whether it was passing notes with friends, or sharing my inner secrets with pen to paper.

  Over the course of six years I have written the poems that make up this book. Some started out on napkins from Starbucks, others on the sheets of homework I should have been doing instead.

  My advice to you is don’t be afraid to face your problems head on. Don’t question if your passions are what you should be pursuing. Don’t be afraid to love unconditionally.

  Bright Minds Empty Souls is for the hopeless romantics and those who need a friend to comfort their late night thoughts. It’s a book made with love about falling in and out of love with yourself, and others.

  I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

  With Love,

  Jennae

  Instant Gratification

  She didn’t need instant gratification,

  or want some short-term fling.

  But the world was piled

  with people looking to

  “feel good”

  for only a brief moment.

  Fast food,

  instant coffee,

  microwave dinners.

  Anything to cut time

  and make it easier.

  She wasn’t about to settle for

  cheap food

  and mediocre coffee,

  so why would she settle for your need

  of instant gratification?

  Cream In My Coffee

  I stopped putting cream in my coffee

  because the more I put in,

  the less it resembled

  your beautiful

  brown

  eyes.

  Commitment Issues

  I was so afraid of commitment

  that I couldn’t even

  write in pen.

  The thought of a permanent

  creation with no way to erase it

  was overwhelming.

  Air

  If someone asked me to pick

  you or air,

  I would pick you every time.

  What is worth having air to breathe

  if I can’t breathe it with you?

  How To Love

  I was never good at loving

  moderately.

  Either loving

  too much,

  or too little.

  There was no happy medium.

  You either had every bit of

  my attention,

  or none of it at all.

  Stranger

  I spilled my secrets out to you

  through written messages and calls.

  Told you who I wanted to be,

  and what scared me most of all.

  But then you let me go.

  Now you’re just a stranger

  who knows everything I know.

  Problem

  The problem this time was

  I didn’t stay quiet like the rest.

  And you hated someone who

  talked back with a voice

  louder than yours.

  Look At Me

  You looked at me the same

  whether my face showed

  my artistic skills or

  displayed scars

  from pimples I picked

  as an adolescent.

  To you,

  I was a work of art

  in every form.

  Memory

  It is a blessing and a curse

  to remember everything.

  Remember all the details,

  like the songs we used to sing.

  When I try to push those moments

  to the back of my mind.

  It just takes one single note,

  to bring them back to life.

  Toy

  Just like a child does with a new toy,

  you played with me for awhile

  and then forgot about me

  when something better came along.

  Taste of Your Name

  I hate how when I say your name now

  it isn’t the same flavor as before.

  It’s tainted by the taste

  of bad decisions

  and heartbreak.

  I hate how when I hear your name now

  it doesn’t trigger a smile.

  It punctures my ears with a nuclear effect.

  Who knew a name could mean so much.

  Who knew four letters of the alphabet could make or break my day.

  Nothing Compare To It Before

  Nothing is better than your eyes locked to mine.

  The feeling of your arms around my body and your light kisses pressed against my forehead.

  The way you walk into a room with confidence and have everyone admiring your ever-present alluring aura.

  Makes me wonder how I got so lucky to have the person they all want to know.

  I’m the one who gets to hear all the brilliant thoughts of that mind.

  Get to see you unedited.

  It’s hard to find any imperfections in the person you love.

  Maybe that’s how you still wanted my Sunday morning makeup smeared face.

  Or still loved me even with the stretch marks on my naked body.

  I never felt weird showing you the places others only guess about.

  And you made me feel like nothing compared to it before.

  Emptiness

  I didn’t know what emptiness felt like until you took happiness out of my mind,

  kindness out of my heart,

  and beauty out of my eyes

  with the toxic,

  gray clouds

  that made up your soul.

  Anxiety

  I have a bad habit of stumbling over my words and turning red when I am talking.

  My hands start to sweat and my voice sounds like vomit trying to escape.

  I am silenced by the awkward stares and whispers hinting at mean comments.

  But please don’t mistake my anxiety as

  me being unfriendly.

  Just Touch It

  Touch my soul.

  It’s bare and vulnerable.

  Touch my hands.

  They are embedded with fear.

  Touch my spirit.

  Just so you can crush it.

  Vacant

  My spot in your life became vacant.

  Like a help wanted sign

  on the outside of a store.

  A new employee to fill the position.

  I wasn’t needed anymore.

  Laughter

  Every time you laughed

  I felt as if our souls were going to get

  a few more months of life in the end.

  Because experiencing your laugh was like

  taking a dose of prescription happiness.

  Not a
Home

  People feed off of sadness because

  they are afraid of happiness.

  Afraid of having that fire be lit inside them only to get blown out by a brief disturbance.

  Afraid the smile that was once effortless will be forced in place by clenched teeth.

  Sadness may be an emotional state

  to think and reflect,

  but it is no place to give up at and

  make your home.

  Wine

  I can feel this wine going right to my

  head,

  and you are heading straight for my

  heart.

  Lunch Break Confession

  If you had said goodbye maybe this

  would have hurt less.

  Closure,

  we lacked closure.

  One morning it’s, “hello”

  and the next nothing.

  Your breath stopped, and your heart

  didn’t race when I was near.

  Everyone said your name in a whisper because saying it too loud might make it real.

  Maybe I should have said hello back so

  that you could have said goodbye.

  Tea

  I wasn’t your cup of tea because you wanted to add

  cream

  and sugar

  and couldn’t just take me as I was.

  Waiting

  I couldn’t wait in a line that took longer than 20 minutes.

  I couldn’t wait for the commercials to stop playing between One Tree Hill.

  I couldn’t wait for much at all because my patience was so slim.

  But some how I spent years waiting for you

  and I’ll keep waiting until the end.

  Cold Turkey

  I couldn’t say goodbye to you so soon

  and with no explanation.

  I couldn’t just stop our conversations

  and silly notes to one another.

  Being lead down a road with

  no warning signs ahead.

  It was like I was abruptly met with a cliff

  and I continued to fall.

  I couldn’t just quit you cold turkey.

  Numb

  I need Novocain around my heart,

  so that I can’t feel the pain of longing for you as you drill into my core.

  Human

  Imperfections made up her body.

  Little red dots,

  and stretch marks from growth.

  She lived in a world that fell more attracted to the women who looked like they spent

  their days lying out on the beach.

  But you connected her freckles on her body

  and made them into constellations.

  You kissed the marks along her hips.

  Imperfections to you were

  what made her yours.

  Because you knew everything

  her body had was because

  she was human.

  The best human.

  Tears

  You told her that her eyes looked a beautiful shade of blue when they were filled with tears.

  So tears were all she made,

  just to feel you near.

  Shades

  Purple.

  Lavender and amethyst.

  Colors that made up total bliss.

  When I see these colors

  in the sky at night or

  in the morning.

  I think of how shades of purple

  were all that you were made up of.

  Inked

  She spilt ink over you.

  Wrote about you until her hands had blue ink in each crevice and her fingers would leave visible fingerprints.

  Her fingers hurt the next morning from endless printing of letters traced with your name.

  She went through 18 sticky notes trying to describe your smile.

  But you didn’t know how many ways she tried to explain your mannerisms.

  Patience

  There were very few minds that

  I wanted to explore.

  Some call it pickiness.

  I call it patience.

  True Feelings

  What a world it would be

  if everyone wore their hearts

  on their sleeve.

  Feelings displayed for all to see.

  No questions about

  people’s sanity or

  what their intentions might truly be.

  Spoiled

  Even the best flavor

  can be spoiled

  by the taste

  of a bitter memory.

  Settling

  Don’t settle.

  Be with someone who

  wants to hold you hand,

  and give you forehead kisses.

  Someone who will drive long distances just to spend a few hours with you.

  Don’t settle.

  Be with someone who will

  make you feel loved 365 days.

  Someone who says, “us” and not, “me”

  when speaking of future plans.

  Don’t settle.

  You’re better than that.

  Goddess

  She wasn’t a goddess

  to say the least.

  With a mind of passion

  and colorful thoughts,

  she made her way through a world

  filled of self-absorbed people.

  The Answer

  She looked at him with eyes

  over flowing with joy.

  She wondered how anyone before her

  had ever let him go.

  That there was someone out there

  regretting the hand they dropped.

  Regretting not getting to hear his laugh.

  Regretting giving up on him.

  That same person probably wonders

  who is making him happy now.

  The answer is, me.

  Future

  I find myself 12 steps ahead.

  Living more in the future than the present.

  Reminiscing on the past.

  Worrying about what’s ahead.

  Dreading what I have left behind.

  Forgetting to remember.

  Remembering all I have forgotten.

  I hope tomorrow is a better day.

  Because here I am today still thinking of everything but what is in front of me.

  People Always Leave

  I took a deep breathe into your cotton shirt to remember every bit of your woodsy scent.

  We parted ways even though I was still lingering onto your body.

  Afraid of what might never be again.

  Your Chevy truck roared to a start and

  we snuck one last kiss through

  your open window.

  And that was the last time I saw you.

  Because people always leave.

  Blank Canvas

  Here I am

  with a blank canvas.

  All the options spread out

  in front of me.

  But I can’t pick up the brush

  with a shaky hand.

  I am afraid of only reaching for

  the dark colors and repeating

  a project I have put to rest.

  I want to start fresh.

  Start new.

  That’s why I’m keeping it

  a blank canvas.

  Bright Minds

  His mind was

  bright

  but his soul was

  empty.

  Unknown Fear

  You said that the ocean scared you

  because of all the immense unknown

  that existed within it.

  Now I know why you couldn’t be

  committed to me,

  because I was vast like an ocean

  with deep wisdom and strength.

  And I scared you.

  Messes of Me

  I bet you find bits of me

  all around your house.

  The comb I left in your drawer.
/>   Little notes I left around for you.

  A coffee mug permanently stained

  with my lipstick.

  I am sure you are still plucking my

  hair off of your shirts,

  or sink,

  or shower.

  I wonder how it is so easy for you to look over these things and not think of me.

  Because I can barely keep from crying

  if I hear your name.

  Fixing

  I loved all the broken pieces

  because I found beauty in fixing things.

  Even those shattered upon repair.

  But you were the type to destroy it all

  again a few moments after spending

  months completing it.

  Live

  Are we surviving

  or are we living?

  Although the two may be synonyms,

  they don’t mean the same.

  For one will leave you dried out

  and hateful

  and the other will make you abundant